Five Ways to Make Your Life Louder Than Your Inner Critic

So many of us walk around with a mean girl or guy or disembodied voice in our heads that is so quick to judge us harshly or agree with or at least strongly consider any negative words that come our way. And while it’s probably a healthy trait to have a constant monitor looking over our shoulder to see if what we are doing is actually helpful, noble, caring or our best, it can be crippling, too, if we don’t keep that noise in check.

That’s why I’ve started to notice how to live with that inner critic and even thank her for making me try a little harder, do better than I promised or squelch any amped up impulses with a let’s-sleep-on-it attitude before making a difficult decision or having a tough conversation.

Here are five ways to make your life louder than your inner critic:

1. Find a Reason to Thank Your Younger Self

When interviewing someone for a news feature, I like to ask the question, “When was the last time you thanked your younger self?” It makes us reflect on our good deeds, pushes the pause button for a moment of gratitude and invites us to take a minute to like ourselves a little more. The answer can be simple: “I am thankful to my younger self because she put gas in my car last week, which saved me time when I really needed it this week; I am thankful to my younger self for making exercise a priority – it set me on a path of physical activity that helps me engage socially and play with my grandchildren; I’m thankful to my younger self because she fed my 401k even through the lean times.”

2. Live Your Values

If you think about what makes heroes loveable, it’s often because they have a compelling reason for why they do what they do. Often, it’s out of love or caring for someone they were close to. I know doctors who have dedicated themselves to a life of health care because they wanted to help or cure their mom or dad or sister or grandma – someone they loved. That powerful motivation can push us to study harder, work longer and help more people. It can turn average folks into superheroes. Whatever is important to you, take a look at your life. Is it showing up there? When we live our values, we know for sure why we do what we do and no matter how tired we are, we can feel good about ourselves for being true and honorable to ourselves.

3. Set Yourself Up for a Little Success

There are times at the end of the day when my nasty inner critic wants to say, “So, what exactly did you accomplish today?” If you have ever felt like you were following an endless maze of phone calls or failed repeatedly on a project, you know how exhausting and discouraging it can be to put out so much energy and yet seemingly get nowhere. That’s why I now believe in starting the day with an easy win. An easy win can be: making your bed; sending a thoughtful text to someone who could use a kind word; or making an appointment for your colonoscopy that’s three years overdue. It’s pretty incredible how good you can feel about yourself by finally attacking something that has been nagging at you, like cleaning the garage, office or closet. Sometimes I will make a To-Do List after I did some things, just for the simple satisfaction of checking them off. And if that doesn’t quiet my critic, I’ll open my orderly refrigerator and smile at her smugly.

4. Make Yourself Proud

I have interviewed several hyper-driven individuals who push that inner critic out of the way to make space for a person, or character (real or not), who they believe sets the gold standard for how to be the person they aspire to be. When faced with a complicated choice or stressful situation, they will channel that mentor or superhero and respond from their higher ground. It’s funny how the outcome doesn’t really matter when we’re up there. The result shifts to what we can control, which of course is only our own positive behavior and the calm reasoning from our best selves. And, while we’re taking the high road, have you ever noticed the joy in volunteers? These people feel really good about themselves for helping others and they should – whether its reading for the blind or bringing their Cavalier King Charles Spaniel to visit sick children. Can’t you just feel your inner critic’s heart melting?

5. Improve the Life of Your Future Self

Relationship expert and best-selling author Mark Hussey says don’t confuse productive activities with something that’s pleasurable right now. “The point of those things is not just for what they may give you in the moment, which is a bonus, but for what they are going to give you tomorrow. You are building a life today that will exist tomorrow that will be more full, more rich, full of anecdotes, experiences, pride in your health if you are getting healthier, or pride in the new stories you can tell because you went to that social function. Not everything will be pleasurable in the moment that you do it and it won’t always feel like it’s working.” In fact, Hussey keeps this on his white board: “Every little bit of effort counts,” reminding himself to stay encouraged when he does even a little bit of work toward his goals, like going to the gym. “You may not feel it right now, but those things are moving you forward and that’s why it’s so important to do them, whether it feels good or not.”

If Rihanna can “get along with the voices inside of [her] head,” we can too, or at least hush them with a life that’s blaring with goodness. QCBN

By Bonnie Stevens, QCBN

Bonnie Stevens is the editor of QCBN. She is a career journalist and public relations consultant. She can be reached at bonnie.stevens@gmail.com.