Forgiveness “may seem complex and even irrelevant to business, but it’s one of the most important tools to learn,” said Lori Rubenstein, J.D., PCC, international coach, and author of three transformational books. “When we practice forgiveness, we lead from a place of strength and tolerance. People naturally want to do business with people who are emotionally healthy and stable.”
She shared that premise at the third quarter luncheon meeting of Chino Valley Women in Business, an audience to whom she emphasized that “we need to recognize that human development is as important as financial goals.”
Entrepreneurs, who face multiple emotional and financial risks when starting a business, need to face difficult situations in a healthy way, she explained, or they “could end up living with bitterness, anger, hurt, and wearing that on their sleeve. It’s not fun and not very attractive.”
People need to “unlearn unhealthy patterns, so that they can focus on what’s important to them and their families.”
Consider, Rubenstein urged, a boss who is very angry all the time, or a person who holds grudges, or a divorced individual still complaining about an ex-spouse 10 years later.
“You don’t want to be around them,” Rubenstein said. “The truth is you don’t even want to do business with them.”
She contrasts that with people “who change to take risks, [are] creative, and grow their own leadership capabilities. Holding onto resentment, bitterness and spite is not what transformational leadership is all about.”
Rubenstein identified seven reasons that forgiveness is an important tool in the savvy person’s business toolkit:
- Entrepreneurs and successful business leaders forge a flexible, forgiving attitude in mentorship and business. They do not bring self-destructive behavior to work.
- Forgiveness in a business environment provides the same benefits as in personal life; it is good practice, encourages peace, leads to happiness and channels good health. It also encourages an “attitude for gratitude” and collaboration.
- Success comes from building trust in relationships with others: be there for them and they will be there for you. Consider the following questions: Does your boss stand up for you? Do you stand up for your employees? Are you the person they can trust, or the one who gossips? The goal is to encourage other people to really want to work with you.
- The fact that workers become better employees is one of Rubenstein’s favorite aspects of forgiveness, she said, citing an April 2015 study published in Harvard Business Review (HBR). While evaluating 300 successful CEOs and business leaders, HBR concluded that ethical CEOs indeed do finish first across multiple cultures through four moral principles: integrity, responsibility, forgiveness and compassion. Forgiveness, Rubenstein said, was the most surprising finding, because it’s not discussed in the business world, despite its positive impact on innovation. “We know innovation only grows in a forgiving environment,” where leaders demonstrate vulnerability by admitting their own errors and encouraging open discussion. Employees then are encouraged to innovate and anticipate that all ideas could be successful. The opposite would be an environment of fear and intimidation, where employees do not feel comfortable taking risks. “Shame and guilt shut down innovation. We are going to protect ourselves.”
- Relationships are deepened by forgiveness, such as when a colleague is late to a meeting or does not show. The subsequent choices are ending the relationship or forgiving the error. Rubenstein relayed a personal story about missing a meeting. The result was the pair opening themselves to greater collaboration, with she herself going out of her way to make up for the glitch. “We made a new date,” she said of the missed meeting. “I really wanted to please her. I wanted to show up, pay for her meal, and really thank her for helping me. We just really bonded… and she made two referrals to me… This was 100 percent because of forgiveness.”
- Positive and healthy business leaders are forgiving people. They put others first and do not become defensive. They take personal responsibility by acknowledging the harm and moving forward. They do not keep beating someone up over and over again. They forgive mistakes and keep reaching for excellence. True leaders, she explained, “put aside their hurt and move forward, concentrating on new goals… People admire when somebody steps up and takes responsibility for something.”
- Forgiveness helps people become healthier in their personal and business lives. She gave examples of divorcing couples who have acted victimized, seeking retaliation and revenge. “Once they got to forgiveness, their cases settled,” Rubenstein said. “The idea is we build our forgiveness muscles. We need to practice so that we can be healthier when the roadblocks hit us. This, too, shall pass.”
A well-known example of forgiveness was shown by the late Nelson Mandela, when he became the first democratically elected president of South Africa. Mandela, Rubenstein says, chose amnesty toward earlier oppressors.
“There’s a knee-jerk reaction when somebody is wronged: rightful indignation and an urge for revenge,” Rubenstein said. “It takes courage and hard work to wade through the childhood hurt and emotional reaction, and find the courage to see mistakes as learning opportunities.” QCBN
Lori Rubenstein (left) answers questions from an attendee at the third quarter Chino Valley Women in Business Luncheon. Theme for the event was “Garden Party.”
Photo by Sue Marceau
Leave a Reply