Welcome to “At Home With Tom and Sandy.” This month, in light of everything going on with the coronavirus, Tom and I thought we would take a pause and enjoy a lunchbreak or for those of us who breakfunch – something which I do all day, eating small meals between breakfast and lunch and do not take a lunch break – we are going to veer away from our normal column. Settle in. This is going to be wonderful!
Sandy: Hi Tom! Happy April! For our detour topic this month, I have invited Deborah Peterson to join us. Deborah is a life coach, ordained counselor/clergy, and has a business called, ‘Coaching Clarity by Definition.’
Tom: I like taking a break from the usual, however I can’t promise I won’t weave some reference to remodeling in here. Hello, Deborah, and welcome to At Home.
Deborah: Hello Sandy and Tom! It’s great to be a part of your column and thanks for asking me to participate.
Sandy: Deborah, you do all these fascinating things, so let’s start by you telling us and our readers what a Life Coach is!
Deborah: In a condensed version, I help people develop strategies that allow them to focus on making positive internal shifts in thinking and behaving that changes ‘who we are and what we do.’
Tom: That actually sounds like a tall order, and not easy to do.
Deborah: It’s pleasantly demanding, of course, and so many people today are really hurting, feeling stuck and they are exhausted with the status quo template of life. And, with what is happening in our world now, many are anxious and scared.
Sandy: Deborah, it sounds as if even though many people tend to be motivated and possess an entrepreneurial spirit, are you saying there isn’t one of us who couldn’t benefit from some help from time to time, especially now with all of this anxiousness and fear taking place?
Tom: What a great question, Sandy. It’s akin to us asking questions to a client to see if we are a fit to help with their remodeling goals.
Sandy: Tom, I knew you would find a way to sneak in remodeling!
Deborah: LOL! And actually, Sandy, Tom, you’re right on. I help people remodel (there, I snuck in your word, Tom) their thinking and hence their responses/behaviors; after all, we are what we believe or internally calculate.
Sandy: To me, that sounds a lot like helping people figure out new ways of dealing with stress, the pressure, the strain and anxiety of dealing with life.
Deborah: Exactly, Sandy, and teaching individuals that when we allow bitterness and anger from past, unresolved issues to eat away at us, it spills out into our everyday life. So, I focus and strategize on removing these ‘self-sabotaging’ resentments and unresolved issues.
Tom: Do you mean we are often our own worst enemy?
Deborah: Absolutely, Tom! The self-principle that gets neglected is being aware of the negative internal dialogue we believe more than any other words/actions of other well-meaning/harmful people.
Tom: Boy, oh boy, isn’t that the truth.
Sandy: Can you share with us some of the steps you take to sort out the behaviors that are getting in the way?
Deborah: Yes. It’s more about defining and clarifying the root cause of the symptomatic feelings of self-loss and emotional clutter. Emotional clutter will manifest itself in various ways with each individual. The way we internalize/perceive our past clutter must be exposed; however, the one constant is that all people suffer an inner exhaustion, an energy drain that causes people to feel angry, intolerant and frustrated, unable to conduct themselves in a constructive manner in personal/extended relationships.
Sandy: Deborah, once you determine what some of the clutter is, what can you help people to get rid of it?
Deborah: I educate them to better ways of thinking and, hence, the way they will respond to trouble and problems and to slow down.
Tom: Interesting that you seem to make a distinction between trouble and problems. What do you see as the difference between the two?
Deborah: Simply put, trouble stems from an inward hostility or varying degrees of resentment that I spoke of earlier, and problems are the external symptoms and often the result of a negative cyclical lifestyle nourished by unresolved trouble. To further answer Sandy’s question about how I can help, together with the client, I reveal the root of the trouble, hence gaining insight into deeply-held values and beliefs that most often are limiting in nourishing and providing positive behaviors. By identifying them, we can begin to teach how to replace bad habits with good or positive habits of thinking and responding.
Sandy: Sounds so fascinating; and Deborah, you are also ordained and use the title Reverend. How does that play into your process?
Deborah: Spirituality plays a large role in how we formulate our responses to trouble and problems. I work within the client’s theology as this is a very powerful means to help unlock new perspectives.
Tom: Once those new perspectives are recognized, what happens next?
Deborah: To use your remodeling metaphor, together we begin the design and construction of principle-based thinking so the outcomes better fit the individual’s values. Also, showing my clients to be ‘self-actualizing’ individuals really helps initiate some intrinsic motivation to move forward.
Sandy: What an exciting process. And, Tom, now you have Deborah using remodeling metaphors. You are incorrigible.
Deborah, what a delight to have you join us. You have helped our readers and myself better understand the positive role a Life Coach can make in ourselves and our lives.
Deborah: It’s an honor to be a part of your and Tom’s column. I love the opportunity to relate all the positive things we can accomplish in our lives to as many people as I can. Thanks for the invite and fun!
Sandy: Tom, here is my take-away. Life Coaching is an asset to get the job done and you, as a contractor, life coach with your clients. It is a form of communication and building client awareness and trust. A Life Coach helps people make conscious choices.
Tom: Sandy, you are right. Deborah is indeed a valuable resource, talent and a blessing to people. She helps people increase their clarity and move forward in their lives.
Sandy: How do you know if Life Coaching works and if someone is ready for the process?
Deborah: I offer a free 30-minute consult to determine their readiness in making this significant life transition in themselves.
Sandy: Okay, Tom, back to construction and Life Coaching. It sounds to me like Deborah works with a door. A door closes off a room. A door provides a barrier. We can’t see through a door, and Deborah can help see through the door by adding a window. A door can lock us out, a door can let us in easily, a door protects us, keeps us safe and even more exciting, Deborah can be the access to a beautiful space where anything is possible by opening the door.
Tom: This was indeed fun taking a detour from our normal column. Deborah, thanks so much for offering your insight and value to the foundation of problems, the tools available and that doors can be opened.
Thanks for stopping in and reading “At Home with Tom and Sandy.” You’re in good company and we love sharing educational, fun and important information with you. QCBN
Tom Reilly, Architect, Contractor,
Sandy Griffis, Executive Director,
Yavapai County Contractors Association. 928-778-0040.