These are just a few ideas of how to give that attention, but what we are talking about here is love.
My grandma lived to be 100-and-a-half. She lived in her own home until she was 94 and then moved to a lovely assisted-living facility, where she spent the last years of her life. From the time she was around 80 years young, she just wanted others to acknowledge her existence. At the time, I didn’t really see it that way, but now I am caring for my 81-year-old mother. It’s so clear to me, they want our attention! This can be a tricky thing to handle, giving someone our attention and still making sure we are caring for ourselves, so we don’t get burned out.
Aging can be a fun process of life for some people, but for other elders, it can be sad, isolating and difficult, or maybe for some, it’s both of these things, depending on life’s circumstances. I’d say for grandma, it was a little of both. When we were with her visiting (paying attention) she was funny, charming and cantankerous! But at times when she was alone, or if we missed a visit or phone call (not paying attention) she would get sad, angry and depressed.
When I use the term “elders,” I’m referring to anyone in our life, who is older than us. This could be the next-door neighbor or the lady you met at the grocery store. So, what are some ways that we can help our elders to feel supported?
Pick up the phone: My older sister called our grandma every single day! And she is now doing the same for our mother. She calls twice a day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. This might seem like an easy task for some and it may seem grueling for others, but this single act of kindness (paying attention) is so beneficial to our elders. It helps to break up the isolation and makes them feel wanted. Try to schedule a time to call each day and it doesn’t have to be a long phone call, it only takes a few minutes to touch base, tell them about your day, ask about theirs and you’re done! And the great thing about this, like my sister, you don’t have to live close by to give this form of attention! And, if your elder is tech-savvy you could send a text!
Schedule a visit: If you are lucky enough to live close to your elder, try to schedule a weekly or daily visit. This could be a visit to their home or to get the bonus attention-points, you could take them on an outing. When grandma was a young 95, she loved going for a drive. This would get her some fresh air and it was fun driving around her hometown while she told me all the important facts about every darn thing! I lived one hour away from grandma but I would go visit almost every weekend and sometimes I would spend the night. Our slumber parties are some of my sweetest memories.
Send a card or prezzie: Yes, I said prezzie! And, no, spellcheck, I am not changing it! This is another great way for those who do not live close by to give that much-needed attention. A card, with a photo and a small note, is such a sweet thing to find in our mailbox. With all the mail-order ways to send gifts nowadays, there is no reason not to.
These are just a few ideas of how to give that attention, but what we are talking about here is love. During the holidays or any time of the year, our elders need to feel loved, honored and remembered. So, pick up that phone, send that letter, give that gift and pop in for a visit. At Adult Care Services, we honored our veterans by giving them handmade quilts. The quilts were made by Pam Hendricks. Pam is the daughter of one of our residents at Margaret T. Morris Assisted Living Center. Thank you, Pam, for helping us to show love, kindness and respect to our veterans! We are definitely paying attention. Quality Care, Quality Service, Quality of Life. QCBN
By Candace Lea
Candace Lea, MBA, is the community liaison and marketing person for Adult Care Services. She has worked in the human service and healthcare field for more than 30 years. She also is a local yoga teacher. To learn more about these programs, visit adultcareservices.org.
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